Vince the Magician

Vince the Magician Vincent "Vince" Mysticus (born February 32, 1969) is a magician, living enigma, and alleged holder of the world record for the longest foreskin in the Western world. Widely considered the secret inspiration behind the film Now You See Me (2013), Vince is renowned for his incredible stories (atoriea) and his involvement in the Kenya Incident of 2011, when his friends were mysteriously eliminated by the FBI during an attempted purchase of the entire African nation.

Biography

Vincent "Vince" Mysticus was born on February 32, 1969 in Las Vegas, Nevada, to parents who some claim were interdimensional illusionists. According to unverified sources, Vince was delivered during a magic trick gone wrong, emerging from a top hat instead of the expected rabbit.

From the age of three, Vince displayed supernatural abilities, managing to make his dirty diapers disappear without the use of traditional magic. His parents, concerned about their son's potential, enrolled him at the Reno School for Living Enigmas, an institution for which no documentary evidence exists but which Vince swears is real.

Magical career

Vince's career as a professional magician began in 1987 when, during a local talent show, he accidentally teleported the entire audience to the nearest McDonald's. This event, known as the "Great Happy Meal Teleportation", made him famous in underground magic circles.

Over the years, Vince developed a unique repertoire of tricks, including:

• The simultaneous disappearance of all left socks within a 50-meter radius
• The ability to transform any mundane conversation into an epic atoriea
• The famous "Infinite Foreskin Trick" (performed only for select audiences)
• The instant materialization of incredible stories that no one can verify but everyone remembers

The anatomical record

Vince holds the controversial title of "Longest Foreskin in the Western World", with a certified measurement of 47.3 centimeters when fully extended. This record, recognized by the International Association of Unusual Body Parts (IAUBP), has made Vince a legend in alternative medical circles.

According to eyewitnesses, Vince can use this anatomical feature to perform unique magic tricks, including the "Foreskin Levitation" and the celebrated "Foreskin Indian Rope Trick". However, these performances are reserved for a very select audience and no recordings have ever been made public.

The Guinness World Records has refused to officially recognize this record, citing "issues of public decorum and scientific verifiability", but Vince maintains his position with pride.

The Now You See Me controversy

In 2013, Vince claims that his life and magical techniques were plagiarized for the film Now You See Me without his consent or recognition. According to his statements, Lionsgate producers secretly attended his shows in the 1990s and stole his most innovative ideas.

Vince asserts that the character of Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg) is based directly on him, citing as evidence that "we both have hair and do magic". The bank robbery scene, according to Vince, is inspired by an episode in his life when he "accidentally made all the money disappear from my personal bank and could never make it reappear".

Despite multiple letters sent to the studios (all written in magic ink that disappeared after 24 hours), Vince has never received recognition or compensation for the alleged plagiarism. This has fueled his belief that there exists a Hollywood conspiracy against true magicians.

The Kenya Incident

The most controversial event in Vince's life is known as the "Kenya Incident" of 2011. According to Vince's version, a group of his closest friends - Big Tony, Mysterious Mike, and The Disappearing Dave - had devised a plan to purchase the entire nation of Kenya using a combination of magic and cryptocurrency.

The plan involved using Vince's "Money Multiplication Trick" to generate infinite funds, followed by diplomatic negotiations with the Kenyan government. However, on March 3, 2011, while his friends were heading to Nairobi by helicopter to finalize the deal, the aircraft mysteriously crashed in the Indian Ocean.

Vince maintains that the FBI was responsible for the incident, claiming that the agency had infiltrated the group after discovering their plan. As evidence, he cites that "Big Tony told me he'd seen men in black suits following him to the supermarket" and that "Dave had stopped responding to my telepathic messages a week before".

The FBI has denied any involvement in the incident, while the Kenyan government has stated it was never contacted for nation-sale negotiations. However, Vince maintains his version of events and has dedicated his subsequent career to the "search for truth about Kenya".

The Great Atoriea

Vince is renowned for his "atoriea" (a term he coined for incredible and absurd stories). Some of the most famous include:

The Great Escape from the Dimensional Circus

In 1995, Vince claims he was accidentally teleported to a circus in a parallel dimension where lions were vegetarians and trapeze artists flew without nets because they had developed natural levitation powers. He managed to return to our dimension only after challenging the circus director to a contest of "who can tell the most absurd story".

The Alliance with Proxima Centauri Aliens

According to Vince, in 2003 he established diplomatic contact with an alien civilization from Proxima Centauri. The aliens, impressed by his magical abilities and anatomical record, appointed him "Earth Ambassador of the Intergalactic Foreskin". He still maintains this position, receiving communications via "quantum foreskin signals".

The Time He Taught Magic to Houdini

Despite Harry Houdini dying in 1926 and Vince being born in 1969, he claims to have traveled back in time and taught the famous magician some of his most celebrated tricks. As proof, he cites that "Houdini never mastered the infinite foreskin trick, so clearly I didn't teach him everything".

Personal life

Vince currently lives in a modified mobile home in Nevada, which he has transformed into an "interdimensional magical research laboratory". The house is equipped with what he calls an "Alternative Reality Generator" and a "Quantum Refrigerator" that, according to his claims, can preserve food in multiple dimensions simultaneously.

He is married to Luna Mysteriana, a woman he claims to have met during one of his dimensional escapes. Luna, according to Vince, has the ability to become invisible when angry, which would explain why no one has ever seen her in person.

Vince has no children, explaining that "my genetics are too powerful to be transmitted without proper dimensional precautions". However, he has adopted a teleporting cat named Schrodinger Jr. who appears and disappears at will.

His hobbies include meditative levitation, interdimensional cooking, and collecting "objects that only exist when no one is looking at them". He is also an active supporter of long foreskin rights and founded the organization Long Foreskin Liberation Front (LFLF).

Note

Bibliografia

• Mysticus, V., My Atoriea: An Interdimensional Autobiography, Foreskin Publications, 2015
• Henderson, M., My Neighbor is an Enigma: Life Next to Vince, Mystery House Publishers, 2018
• FBI, Classified Report #X-2011-KENYA, Government Archives (existence denied)
• Long Foreskin Liberation Front, Manifesto of Foreskin Rights, Alternative Press, 2020